You can't force love

I still have much to learn. There's so many things I have yet to discover and there will be things I'll never know. But I do know...you can't force love and you can't force friendships.

Just like you can't force someone to love you, you can't force yourself into a relationship, that's not love, its more of a duty. Over the years I have pushed myself to spend time with God. That's good if when you are striving to spend time with God is out of love, not out of duty.

For years, I have done devotions and good books to help my walk with God. But that wasn't what I needed. Please do not mistake me that devotions and good books aren't good, but they shouldn't take the place of the Bible or spending time one on one with God. It is what you value that you will deem most important. For me it is because I love God, that I value Him. I don't want a forced love or a forced relationship. Guess what? Neither does God.

Relationships are crucial to our lives. Don't hem yourself with a bunch of rules or do what everyone is doing because it works for them, trust me you'll end up with nothing but a frustrated heart. I know, I have been there. Your relationship with anyone whether its a co-worker or something deeper can't be forged upon rules or based anybody else's standards, it'll collapsed when the lightening strikes hard and long. Great relationships are built on God, who is filled with love and grace. Sometimes you have to let go. Sometimes you have to hang on for dear life. Sometimes...loving someone or even yourself isn't easy. Relationships, however hard you try, are not based on just you. It takes two to have a relationship.

It is what you value in a relationship that will be deemed most important.

Major decision, Major changes

This summer...well this past year has been full of life time changes. But they are good changes. Changes that will transform my life. Never had I dreamed I'd where I am today...but then again most of us aren't where we thought we'd be today. When I was younger I longed to travel, to explore the world, and to "preach" the gospel. As I entered highschool, all that changed. I became focused and serious...putting away the carefree, outgoing girl I used to be. But I never lost my joy for simple things. Now...I am traveling the world and sharing my Beloved's message. But still...I am on the quiet side. And that's okay. There are seasons for everything.

Just recently we closed on our new home. The countdown begins as I help pack up and clean. My mom has found her love of jewel colors again, and we are happily looking to furnish our blessing home. You see, our home isn't just "our" home, its Harvest home. A place to come to be refresh, rest, and just to be.

Two days ago, I made a decision. It was tough, but I knew what had to be done. When I came home from the Netherlands I changed. While I was there, God spoke very clearly to me in many, many ways. One thing He told me was Graphic Design was no longer my major. So I came home, waiting, pondering, and listening to what He wanted me to do next. Three weeks later, I received my answer. As of right now I am a semester into being a photographer. In a year and half I will be a certified photographer with an associated degree. After which I will fulfill yet another dream...cosmology. Two skills, two certificates, and two dreams. How will I combined these two...by blessing people. I don't know what God fully has in mind...but that's okay. It'll be used for His glory.

Major decisions makes major changes. Most of them aren't easy. Many of them changes lives. But when you make that change for God...it'll be the best decision you'll ever make.

It's unlock...but what are you going to do?

There's doors, gates, keyholes, or whatever you want to call it that unlocks that most secretive parts in our hearts. The part that we rarely, if ever...really let anyone see. We sometimes don't know even know our deepest joy or pain. It hasn't been discovered yet. There's a lot we don't know about ourselves. But someone does. He knows every laugh you have ever laughed, every tear that has been shed, and every smile that crept across your face making your eyes twinkle in secretive delight. He knows you. Every core of your being is so special to Him and He wants be in the mist of all of your doings. He wants to share your delight, your sadness, your split can't stop laughing moments. Here's the kicker.

Until you open that entrance way, He can't fully enter into your life. He's not going to force His way in. You're going to have to choose. He's there for you... is not His name Emmanuel meaning God with us? That means in everything in the good, in the bad, and in the between, He's with you. But it is you who lets Him in completely. No one else can do it for you. No one can make you. It is your choice alone. God is with you, but until you let Him in your heart can you share with Him that only you and Him knows. Sometimes its scary and there's time you don't want to do it, but its worth it. But remember, only you can open that gate wide enough to let Him in. It's unlock...but what are you going to do? It's up to you.

Isn't she a beauty? I have long awaited this gifted for two years. My parents decided that when us girls were 20 that we could get a hope chest. My sister received her gift and after a year of searching she found the perfect hope chest for her. I decided I didn't want to wait that long after my birthday and started praying that I'd find my hope chest. My prayer went so far as to include this "Please God let me find a hope chest VERY soon after my birthday or better yet on my birthday. Let it be a beautiful brown color, cedar lined, absolutely beautiful and 100% perfect for me. I really, really want a lock to come with it cause you know how much I adore locks. Thank you. amen,"

Two years and roughly 10 months later. Mom decided it was time to start looking. Kate, mom and I took a look around a store, but found no hope chest. My second time out, Dad with me and mom. We stopped by a Carolina Furniture store off of Broadway and looked around. Just as we head out the store...I saw it. My Hope chest. The beautiful shinning walnut color beckoned me. I touched the lock on the outside of the sleek, clean, and yet warm chest. The smell of cedar rose to meet me and a drawer, an extra bonus of which I had not prayed for greeted me. One glance, I knew that was it. I decided to wait for a few days just to make sure that it was really it. On Thursday we stop by, I just couldn't wait any longer. So three days before my birthday we purchased it. The day of my birthday, my sweet brother lent us his van and I saw my present come home. It rests sweetly at the end of my bed, ready for hopes and dreams of a life ahead.

My sister...a Lee University Graduate

Here she is my dear friends. My best friend and sister a college graduate. Hard and yet so easy to believe four years have passed by. I have awaited this moment for years. Would you believe me, that I cried when she left for Lee. Seriously, I'd sit in her room against the wall and cry my eyes out. I'd count the days when I would see her again. Lee University though I never attended for classes, soon became a like a home to me. Every semester I'd go down there. Just me. Our traditions quickly formed. Her friends quickly accepted me and soon knew me. To them I wasn't Kate's sister, they actually called me by name. Our traditions were very rarely missed if ever. A walk around Lee and up and down the streets are precious memories. We'd laugh and take pictures, often involved in conversations or simply quiet enjoying the day we had. Always we'd finish off the day with a movie. Coffee was usually mixed in somewhere in the weekend.

This time, when I came she was graduating. We'd both say good-bye to Lee. Mom was so very gracious to let me stay with Kate one more evening before Kate would leave Lee forever as a student. I thought I'd miss my semester with her. One more opportunity came, we began the traditions one last time. After Kate took me to Baskin Robbins, (I can't recall the last time I've been to Baskin Robbins), then we walked around Lee taking pictures. Afterwards we tried to get back to the apartment we were staying at, and got locked out. So we went out to Arbys and went to Alumni Park at Lee got in a our final tradition with a new twist. We watched parts of Sabrina under a starry cold night eating warm Arby sandwiches while snuggling with our blankets. It was a perfect way to end our last evening at Lee together.

I wish I could find the words to say how much I am proud of her. She's a mentor, best friend, and most importantly my dearest sister.

A beautiful life

Today, a very dear friend got married today! I wish all the joy she and her hubby can stand. Her wedding was absolutely beautiful, the decorations very simply elegant. But what was breathtaking was the love that She and Benjamin shared. I delighted in listening to the vows they proclaimed to each other. Truly, this was a very special wedding. Lisa is stunning and to all who know her, she is very much beloved. I was glad to be a part of this special day.

Sweet life among busy times

It's hard to believe spring is almost here. The fact that the trees are blooming, the sweet presence of flowers are opening, and the lawn is starting to look like a jungle is a breath of sunshine. I LOVE mowing, it's weird I know. But there is something wonderful, be able to survey your work of freshly cut grass against a beautiful blue sky.

The painful blisters on your hands as you haul mulch and spread it across the plot you just weeded is something I'd be proud of. Not the blisters part, but the feeling of being strong...independent. Taking the time to pull out the small weeds with a sun beating on my back is not an easy task, but I welcome it. There were times the last two summers, I'd wake close to six in the morning just so I could be outside before the air got humid. My responsibility of mowing and tending the gardens I jealously guard and hate if I don't have the time.

To me...this is not just a relaxingly thing, it a way of life for me. Something that allows me to be independent, strong, and be able to produce...something beautiful for others to create.

Unlike most enjoyments I have, I a lot of times prefer to work alone. It's my time with God. But I welcome company if they come. It brings a sense of unity and family, something I dearly love.