This morning during worship, I got this word. I wanted to name this year specifically for me. Not for anyone else, just me. It was important. Well...I got two. But one is subtitles per say....
Pastor Tim declared this year of increase for Harvest Church. Which is ironic because I have heard for me and and from others that is what they too have heard for our church. I am excited for this year of increase. Please read Ephesians 1:17-22. I'll add a second blog latter on explaining why. It got me excited and I am still chewing on those verses. Probably will be for a while. But back to my Word...or Words.
The first one, I was thinking Training...it will be another year of training. I was thinking...Oh God, please give me a break. This past year has been so rough on me in so many ways. Then He spoke to me..."Think of how much you have learned," as I think back I really would have not changed a thing other then the fact of my favorite lens spontaneously falling and smashing into pieces. Of course I would have preferred that the house that I was house sitting didn't flood on me. But other than that...it was well hard.
You know what I love and hate at the same time? God testing me. It's wonderful and dreadful at the same time. But with His grace, I believed I passed. After all I am still His through and through. But this test has caused me to explode...cough...several times. Never, have I been in a season where I have been so angry. Yup....testings brings out the worst in me. My mom can attest to this.
Most of the times, I strive with the times. Whatever hits me I can roll with it with the best of 'em. No sweat...seriously. Not this year. I had been bombard with so many things at once, I lost it. But I only cried once...twice at the most which is unusual for me. Instead I got angry...not a good thing. The only good thing was I didn't hold it in...unless I was with other people. Then I hid it often. No...I didn't punch walls, hit anyone, or damage property. Firstly, that is not godly, nor ladylike, and well just plain not me. But my steering wheel did get slapped several times in frustration and so the kitchen counter when no one but God was watching.
One story I'll share, because I'm sure you'll giggle at this. Nod your head and say "Honey, I can so relate."
It was hard night. School was ending in a week and it was super crunch time. Thanksgiving had just been over. My computer had not been allowing me to get on internet. I got kicked off easily five times. Getting kicked off and having to do research is enough to make any already extremely stressed college student that had a business plan due in two days more freak out. My phone died, and I had no way to get ahold of my family. That.did.not.make.me.happy. But I heaved a sighed and kept at what I could.
And
Then
The house flooded. It took me more than a half of a day to clean it up. After I cleaned it up. I was fine. Then I sat down at the computer. It did not work. I flipped out.
"You're God, and you can make this work. So make this work!" I shouted no...screamed in a high shrilled voice at the ceiling. Desperate and overwhelmed with stress I struggled to keep words inside my mouth and not cry to instead think rationally. You know what He did? He laughed at me. Two hours later, the internet worked and had no problem since. "I fixed it alright for you, but I'm going to do it in my own sweet time."He whispered. He helped me with my work and I finished my assignment due in two days. Needless to say I learned a lesson. When I am weak, He is strong.
By the way, I ended up with good grades that semester which I can only give credit to Him.
So you can understand my questions, more training?! You've got to be kidding me. I don't know if I can stand another one like last semester.
Thankfully thus far it hasn't been ANYTHING like last semester. Yes, I have been crazy busy. Which explain why this post has taken me nearly two weeks to type up. But I have enjoyed this semester and I should it's my last.
The second word is Romance or romancing. What does that mean? I don't know to be completely honest. But I think it'll be along the lines of this: I believe I'll enter into a sweet time with God this year. Where He and I just grow really close. Will there be a guy in the picture? Hard to say, but I'm not looking. No, God has claimed my attention and what's left is devoted to my crazy busy life in general. This week alone, I'll be arriving home around 9ish every night maybe even later. Unless I'm out for once in a blue moon fun, I'm rarely out past 9:00 save for Thursday nights when I go dancing. By dancing I mean ballroom dancing such as foxtrot, tango, waltz, cha cha, and others. Great deal of fun. But already, I feel that my relationship has grown sweeter dare I say it more mature? It isn't an intense longing to be with God, rather well its starting to be more a natural longing. It is hard to explain. It's like there's no pressure, there's no scolding, no pressing and yet I find myself more drawn to Him. I've pondered the most simplest things and have received some of the most amazing teachings. There are a time when I simply haven't had time to study, but my talks with Him I think have grown longer. I've done really nothing new other than the fact of I have been writing in a journal nearly every night and attending Young Adults Fellowship as faithfully as I can. That fellowship...don't join unless you're willing for some downright heavy discussion. There's power there and the best part is: it is just us young folks. A young leader already graduated from college leading us late teens, early twenties. This is one of the best group that has ever happened. We're serious about our learning, we encourage each other, and pray for each other. Perhaps unlike any group I've ever attended we'll actually get to finish our study. Do you know I have never once in my life actually completed a bible study? Sad really, and I really want to. Because I feel like I get chipped out of something amazing. Perhaps this time it'll be different. So what will this romancing and learning curve year look like, don't know. But you'll probably hear how it goes by the time the last day of December rolls around...maybe even before.