Being Home...

hasn't been easy. For weeks I've avoided blogging simply because I hate negativity. It isn't in me to bring others down. But as I've mulled over what I've learned, the ugly, the sad, heartbreaking tears, the joys, the bliss, and excitement...well it makes up our stories.


Being sick is never my idea of enjoyment. Coming home unable to fight my sickness for a solid month made me thankful. It has been a long time since I've been so the sick part. To this day I still tire easily, but I'm finding my laughter again and to those who will listen tell stories not of my life, but of His and others.


Working at camp was NEVER in my plans. Cough. Actually God seems to have turned most of my plans upside down of late. I always thought, well that's a usual job for summers of highschoolers /college. Nothing special, nothing extrodaniary.  Not for me...or so I thought. Turns out it was very much for me. I miss the busyness, the joys, and yes sometimes the sheer panic of trying to get things done. However, I don't miss the confusions and running here and there missing by seconds the persons I was supposed to meet only to have to run (literally) to go catch them. I miss the pouring out, and God overwhelming pouring into me. If I could only tell the stories, if I could only accurately photographs theses emotions I saw on kid's faces and of their lives.  No sane person would ever be the same. I am not. Praise God.


But that chapter has closed. I won't be looking back. The stories of the great joy and heart wrenching sobs will stay. I'll never forget, I can't forget. I'll share what God tells me, it is part of His gift to me.

Being home has me confused. It's like trying to swim in a ocean in a pool. I can't seem to relax and the more I try the more guilty I feel. For which I should slap myself. It has taken me this long to be able to clean the home and start taking over what's my responsibly, but I hate shirking. And I feel like I'm doing that.

But God has given me grace.

Recently my pastor has been teaching many of things of what God personally taught me! I am so excited! I love it! My favorite book that I brought for myself is "Explicit Gospel" I had read half way through it during the three months at camp while working the many nights in the giftshop. I couldn't resisted buying the book although it cost more than I wanted to spend. But it is so worth it. Then I really wanted to give it to my sister and well frankly anyone who wanted to get down the nitty grittyness of the gospel. Lo and behold, my boss sent me the exact book! I jumped and in down and laugh. He wrote a special message to me and it was simple, but it meant a lot to me. I promptly gave my "old book" filled with my own writing and underlines to Kate and kept my new one.  I love it so. It has gone right away with what my Pastor has been teaching. You know what's even more exciting is I'm starting to learn more!


Yes! Yes! Yes! You see I came home, and everyone was learning the messages, the lessons I had already learnt! It was a review and I am so grateful! But I love to learn and darlings, don't hold me back when I'm passionate. I felt like I was being held back in the biggest way. You see I hadn't been able to tell anyone really about camp and it was tearing me apart. I wanted to tell how great my God is, how beloved He is, and how GLORIOUS and HOLY He IS!

Oh! If you could see me now, you'd see a blonde short thin gal dancing and shouting! Can you not behold Him? Can you not see? Can you not hear? Oh! My friends I wish you a far better more personal relationship than even I have! My God is so explicated, He's so good, and He is terrifying. Oh! My beloved friends! He's so worthy!


I don't deserve His love. I don't deserve His compassions or His mercy. I'm broken. A broken image of Himself. But don't you see! He loves me! He choose me! He sent His Son, His beloved Son to pay the price. The very price I Should HAVE paid!


Oh! For the stories I can tell there's nothing great than this! The Gospel of Jesus Christ, the majesty, splendor, and of the glory of God! I want to shout louder than the angels and to cry out louder than the rocks, my God is worthy to be praised! Why, oh! He is Glorious, because HE IS! He is GOD!

So belt out that voice of yours! You were made to worship! In the darkest of times, in the merry of times we are MADE to worship the God of all creation! So lift up your hands and praise His Holy name! Worthy, worthy is HE!