My heart...My soul

How does a girl work on her business when working on a mission field? How does a girl keep her own education up in photography? How does a girl raise money for her next education in her second degree in cosmology when she's literally not working a "real" job? How does a girl keep clean when she is worked to the bone from 6 in the A.M to 12 in the P.M. Most importantly of all...how on earth does a girl LOSE her phone! The only thing next to God personally waking her up that will get her up on time...nearly without fail. Perhaps the most important question should be asked...why is she speaking in the third person...


I have zero idea. Perhaps it is because I am thriving on a mere five hour of sleep or if you prefer 35 hours of sleep this week alone. That's roughly 6 hours of sleep each night.  I'd take a nap, but my body is too over worked for that. I laugh...it is nearly the only thing that is keeping me sane at this moment. It is either that or cry...and I'm in a roomful of boys at the moment. I'd prefer to keep my pride...what's left of it.

Here's a thing.  I came here to serve...to Doe River that is. To serve as God sees fit. Boy...you give Him the reigns and He'll really take you off. Every time I've wanted to say no or wanted to complain...I've remembered. I haven't come here for comforts, and I most certainly didn't come here to be served. I have given him my heart a long, long time ago...meaning my comfort zone went out the window eons ago or so it seems.


One of the things I never expected is the constant questions of my hearing. The constant question of what is it like. Frankly, after the forth week I have gotten a little annoyed. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that this IS normal to me, but it isn't to others. For whatever reasons, God knows why I didn't think my challenges were anything to be proud of. I've simply lived. He is my hearing, He is my breathing, He is my spine, He is my mouth. In short He is my everything. I can't seem to wrap my mind around how anyone can not not be in love with Him. It is life to me. But then He gently reminds me...not everyone has lived the life I have. Not everyone understands what it means to rely in and on Him in the precise way that I do. Here, I've looked out every morning. Every morning to see the mountains...to see the people He's created. How can I have learned to love in such a short amount of time this people here? How can I leave...knowing I'll not come back? Perhaps for a visit...but not to work here again. How can I leave the friends I've made...perhaps for life. By God's grace.

He gives and He takes away. The rhythmic beating of that song pounds within my heart.  A mere 5 weeks remains. I don't want to leave. Because I know some of these friends I may never ever see again.  My heart hurts. But I'll survive. He gives and He takes away. After all the four girls my age, did He not provide me...over the 11 years of being at my church. He took them away only to provide some time later after a season of crying my heart out simply out of the aching loneliness of having no girls to relate to. I've learned to let people go...it isn't easy. It'll be a life lesson I'll have to learn over and over. But every time a friend leaves, the truest friend is always, always there.


My God is for me. My God is Here. My God is My God. To Him I'll run, to Him I'll cry, to Him I'll laugh, and to Him I'll dance, to Him I'll give my body, to Him I'll give my soul, and to Him I'll give my heart.