Amazing how times flies. Hmmm...strike that, amazing how I let time slip by. True it seems as if life slips by in a flash, but part of it is where do we spend our time.
Of late I have been reading...oh for the love of reading. I feel like my old self when I was 10 years old. Out going, loud, not quite getting the hang of when to tell the blunt truth, always getting underfoot, asking a million questions, getting to scraps because of climbing trees or better yet climbing fences...yada yada. The point that I am trying to make or is there a point. I forget sometimes. College does that to me. Oh yes. I have been reading a very good book actually several books and blogs particularly those I can glean from stories of their life.
One of the books is Black by Ted Deckker. I have only made it to chapter 5 in oh three days. Believe it or not I just set my world record for the slowest reading I have ever down. My aim? To make it last until the of the next to last week of April. I want to savor this...as I am having trouble finding good pleasant books to read. But this is not the book that is changing my life in a steady way...
No the book I really want to talk about is the book of Ordering my Private world by Gorden MacDonald. It is slow read, because I want to get it. My life has been in shambles far too long. I want to live life and not have it pass by. My body, mind, and spirit has been exhausted far too long and I want to know why. One of keys are ordering my private world. I know you expected me to say get my relationship right with Christ right? True and I agree with that 100 percent. But how can you fully and completely enjoy his companionship if you are not willing to enjoy getting the nitty gritty yucky cleaning out my skeleton closet with Him. Hint: that's another key. Being able to let Him do things with you. If my private life is not in order then how can my outside life be? I have started making a list. Some of you are probably saying a list...who needs another list? While the rest of you are eagerly leaning foreword. Here's my list
I go by what needs to be done during the week without time slots...just basic mandatory things. Often it goes like this:
Cleaning the bathroom,
cleaning my room
clean out the car
wash car
crochet
draw
do photography
read Black, Esther, Bible, Ordering my Private Life
Help mom
Work out
Clean the kitchen
Freedom Feet (Drama class)
Children's church
Multi-media
Spend time with God
Go outside and breathe
and so on
I have a bunch more on this list...but this is a start. Some I won't get to...some I have to get to. Then I go to my schedule book and schedule in times around my classes and meetings the things I have down. Usually I make my list on scrap pieces of paper.
Other than the list I have also started scheduling bed times. In bed at 10 lights out at 10:30 or closely there after or beforehand. I will start waking at 6:30. My body needed sleep and a strict sleeper schedule. I have found when I do this as closely as I can, I have bountiful of energy. Now...on saturday nights or special nights am I going to be like sorry I have to go to bed...most likely not. I love people and being with them. But during the course of the week...you bet'cha, I am going to be reading or doing something pleasant to wind down to stay on task.
Another thing is cutting down my sweets. By allowing myself to have sweets on weekends, I am less likely to eat during the week, or only in small quantities. I drink more water. Soon I will start exercising more, but haven't really started that yet. Plus taking my vitamins is a great help.
As for my spiritual life, I am really cutting down watching net flick. You think how does that help? Truth be told when you are watching almost every night an hour or half hour you get weary in the spirit and it's not healthy for you. I got dog bone weary. I love being active, working with my hands. Painting, drawing, sewing, just in general crafts fill up my spirit and emotion.
The point I am trying to make is I am tired of being weary. I want to live and not only do I want to live but I want to live to the fullest that I can. So I am taking actions...let's see how I can keep on.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Spring is coming
I have been starting to think of spring. Robins have been gracing our yard with their bright feathers and joyful chirps. So I thought I'd give a try to photograph a bird. When i saw the picture I immediately thought of Songs of Solomon 2:11~12
Saturday, February 26, 2011
When the goings get hard, sticking it out is tougher...
Our life is like many others, it is hard and even down right cruel at times. Things happen. Some things we will not understand until years later, while somethings are never explained. There are times when we say "I cannot go on, its not fair, its not right, its not fair, its not right." and our hearts hurt as if we were stabbed. We hurt so much and we think "I am so alone, no one understands, or I want to talk, but how?"
There is someone there for you. He has known the greatest suffering of us all. He has borne our trials and our sufferings. He knows everything, and he allows us to go through troubles so we may be stronger and live. His name is Jesus. My friends, if you are going through rough times just hang on. It will get better, somehow, someway, because God is faithful and He is always there. Trust, and just keeping believing.
There is someone there for you. He has known the greatest suffering of us all. He has borne our trials and our sufferings. He knows everything, and he allows us to go through troubles so we may be stronger and live. His name is Jesus. My friends, if you are going through rough times just hang on. It will get better, somehow, someway, because God is faithful and He is always there. Trust, and just keeping believing.
Shhhh
Shhh....
Listen...
Close your eyes for a moment, clear your thoughts.
Can you hear? Do you see? Do you know? My Beloved is coming. Can you hear him fighting for you? Can you see his gentle compassion. Do you know of His love for you?
No matter where you are, He's with you.
Take a little time and just listen...I mean really listen. Shove away everything for a few minutes. Walk outside or go into a closet if you have to. Just listen. Can you hear him? Are you listening? It'll come if you are patient enough, and it is worth it. Just wait. Just listen. He's here.
Take a little time and just listen...I mean really listen. Shove away everything for a few minutes. Walk outside or go into a closet if you have to. Just listen. Can you hear him? Are you listening? It'll come if you are patient enough, and it is worth it. Just wait. Just listen. He's here.
Friday, February 25, 2011
I ought to be doing school, I should be helping my parents paint my room, I aught to help clean up the house, and the I aught and should...but I am not. I can't. There's something inside of me that simply isn't letting me do anything save for finding a restoring joy inside of me. God isn't letting me get any work done. In exchanged He is helping my guilt stricken conscious of what I aught to be doing and filling my long absent of Him and of Joy and of just simply enjoying to live. My friends...it is impossible not to live without Joy and especially without Him. For if you do, you will crash and crash HARD.
For months now I haven't allowed myself to grieve. To grieve the absent of my best friend and mom as she went to Grandparents. I know its silly, but I refused to let any emotions take over except concern over my mom. I simply pushed my feelings aside and focused on school. My grandparents I whom I loved dearly I couldn't face the thought of losing. I still can't. In my dreams they will live forever and be strong, and they will in my heart. I couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to express my feelings even to my family members. My friends that was dangerous.
When a friend died. I refused to let myself grieve. Even my friends most likely didn't know how that his death bothered me. More importantly I didn't allow my family to see my hurt. A smile plastered on my face as I went about my days. That my friends is pride. Pure and Simple. I thought I had to be strong. I thought crying was shameful thing to do...I thought I would be complaining...I thought it was too much to share with my family...well I was wrong, dead wrong. My family is there for me and if I want to be there for them then I have to release my pain. It only works both ways.
School was going well...for the most part. But I was beyond exhausted and I still am. I was only going through the motions and getting mostly good grades. The only thing besides my Beloved who kept me up was my love for Photography. Am I good? I don't know. But I love it and with patience I will become excellent. But here's the rub I noticed a huge difference on the days when I take my time and I pour my love into my photographs, then doing it for school where I love it, but the deadlines are beating on my back I sometimes forget to just enjoy and relax. When you pour yourself into something no matter what it is that is what is going to make something excellent as you are loving it. With photography it is the smallest details that make up the photograph...and getting the exposure right. I just had to remember why I love photography, and why I was doing this. That is all it counts. Let others outshine me, let them succeed me, let them become famous. If all I ever do is make memories, pour myself into my passion, and show God then that is enough. He will take care of the rest. It is enough even if I don't make a single cent off of my photographs or get a job as a photograph or own my own business to show the Glory of God. Isn't that what our passion is about? Show the Glory of God in your passion and in your work whatever it is you do.
Aside from photography, my personal life felt as if is was in a game of scramble. It feels like I am being torn apart. Most of these days I don't know where I am, almost like I am walking or running in a fog. But I know whose I am and that is what is keeping me going. Some of this was my fault, I didn't know any better, but some of it isn't. That doesn't really matter, because God is faithful. He is restoring me and giving me life in a way I have never known. This hard season will pass and because of God I will be so much better off for it. My God is so good and even in my darkness moments when I felt as if I was dying, He kept my light shinning. I live only for Him and because of Him. Rejoice in Him if you can't find joy anywhere else. He will never forsake you nor leave you. His blessings are all around even if you can not see it. Rejoice for a new season has come, God will be there. Rejoice, rejoice, and rejoice for the Lord is Good.
For months now I haven't allowed myself to grieve. To grieve the absent of my best friend and mom as she went to Grandparents. I know its silly, but I refused to let any emotions take over except concern over my mom. I simply pushed my feelings aside and focused on school. My grandparents I whom I loved dearly I couldn't face the thought of losing. I still can't. In my dreams they will live forever and be strong, and they will in my heart. I couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to express my feelings even to my family members. My friends that was dangerous.
When a friend died. I refused to let myself grieve. Even my friends most likely didn't know how that his death bothered me. More importantly I didn't allow my family to see my hurt. A smile plastered on my face as I went about my days. That my friends is pride. Pure and Simple. I thought I had to be strong. I thought crying was shameful thing to do...I thought I would be complaining...I thought it was too much to share with my family...well I was wrong, dead wrong. My family is there for me and if I want to be there for them then I have to release my pain. It only works both ways.
School was going well...for the most part. But I was beyond exhausted and I still am. I was only going through the motions and getting mostly good grades. The only thing besides my Beloved who kept me up was my love for Photography. Am I good? I don't know. But I love it and with patience I will become excellent. But here's the rub I noticed a huge difference on the days when I take my time and I pour my love into my photographs, then doing it for school where I love it, but the deadlines are beating on my back I sometimes forget to just enjoy and relax. When you pour yourself into something no matter what it is that is what is going to make something excellent as you are loving it. With photography it is the smallest details that make up the photograph...and getting the exposure right. I just had to remember why I love photography, and why I was doing this. That is all it counts. Let others outshine me, let them succeed me, let them become famous. If all I ever do is make memories, pour myself into my passion, and show God then that is enough. He will take care of the rest. It is enough even if I don't make a single cent off of my photographs or get a job as a photograph or own my own business to show the Glory of God. Isn't that what our passion is about? Show the Glory of God in your passion and in your work whatever it is you do.
Aside from photography, my personal life felt as if is was in a game of scramble. It feels like I am being torn apart. Most of these days I don't know where I am, almost like I am walking or running in a fog. But I know whose I am and that is what is keeping me going. Some of this was my fault, I didn't know any better, but some of it isn't. That doesn't really matter, because God is faithful. He is restoring me and giving me life in a way I have never known. This hard season will pass and because of God I will be so much better off for it. My God is so good and even in my darkness moments when I felt as if I was dying, He kept my light shinning. I live only for Him and because of Him. Rejoice in Him if you can't find joy anywhere else. He will never forsake you nor leave you. His blessings are all around even if you can not see it. Rejoice for a new season has come, God will be there. Rejoice, rejoice, and rejoice for the Lord is Good.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A simple change of work
Dear friends,
Of late I have been doing some creativity thinking of shall we say home improvement. My parents are graciously letting me use a desk in the office that used to be theirs. It is absolutely perfect for my work, I'm an odd bird when it come to desks. I prefer the long gated desks to work since I can spread out my work and it will not get in the way of my work on the computer. However, my desk is quite old. While the sides are in pretty good shape, the top is scratched and the paint has chipped away. I have no money for a new desk and don't want a new desk, just one that I have since it is perfect for me aside from missing drawers. Thus, an idea was born.
One idea is to paint the top of the desk black since the sides are black. I would sand the top down (wearing a face mask I promise) and then paint it shinny black or perhaps a flat black. At any rate, it would be simple and can be done within a days time.
The second idea, which I must give credit to my mom and one which I favor most is if they are not pricey of getting plastic glass. I'd cover the top of my desk with crumbled up colors of tissue papers for texture and then cover that up with pictures I have made. The glass would protect the pictures and cover the hideous scratches of the desk. It too can be done in a days work.
Of late I have been doing some creativity thinking of shall we say home improvement. My parents are graciously letting me use a desk in the office that used to be theirs. It is absolutely perfect for my work, I'm an odd bird when it come to desks. I prefer the long gated desks to work since I can spread out my work and it will not get in the way of my work on the computer. However, my desk is quite old. While the sides are in pretty good shape, the top is scratched and the paint has chipped away. I have no money for a new desk and don't want a new desk, just one that I have since it is perfect for me aside from missing drawers. Thus, an idea was born.
One idea is to paint the top of the desk black since the sides are black. I would sand the top down (wearing a face mask I promise) and then paint it shinny black or perhaps a flat black. At any rate, it would be simple and can be done within a days time.
The second idea, which I must give credit to my mom and one which I favor most is if they are not pricey of getting plastic glass. I'd cover the top of my desk with crumbled up colors of tissue papers for texture and then cover that up with pictures I have made. The glass would protect the pictures and cover the hideous scratches of the desk. It too can be done in a days work.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
A dear girl birthday
I can not believe how time passes quickly by. 10 years I have been a friend to and befriended by one of the most beautiful girls in existence. Her beauty comes within, and her gifts are unlimited. I wish I had a heart as big as hers and her childlike frankness to remember each and every word ever said. The sky is literally the limit. Her innocent love for Jesus inspires and encourages me to just love God. To all who know her is highly blessed if they take time to really get to know her for who she is. Her parents are continually to raise her and her brother well, and they too I have come to admire and respect. I wish I had a picture of the whole family, but since I want to honor a girl who is dear to my heart I shall post a picture of her. I told mom I didn't want a little sister, but God gave me one anyways. I rejoice that He didn't listen, after all if I had gotten my way I would have missed out on joy. I don't have to have a sister that is born of my mom and Dad to have a little sister. Rather, she is my little sister because of the compassion and love God has place within me for her and I dance when I hear of blessings that is given to her. After all is that what loving family is about, rejoicing over the gifts they receive and accepting what they have to offer? So without further ado, here is a picture of a girl who is slowly becoming a young lady whose friendship is well worth keeping.
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| Stephanie, 11, holds her guinea pig. |
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